i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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