im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
