don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
