Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have aggressive nipples.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
