His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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