Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
