im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
only you would photoshop your dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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