She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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