Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
