I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
