my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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