I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
