She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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