Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
