Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
