Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
