i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
