I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
