remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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