wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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