It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
