my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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