Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
