How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
