I think im going to throw up on grandma
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
