the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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