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If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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