I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
