Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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