I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
