coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
