Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
