I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
