peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
