dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
