just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
