the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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