after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
