Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
