Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
im on a boat
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