I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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