I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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