I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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