Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
