bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
