girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Houston, we have a blender
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
