YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
