ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
