i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
