dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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