Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
