They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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