at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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