I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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