I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
